Free Download PDF Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village


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NATIONAL BESTSELLER • Considering a trip to a quaint English village? You’ll think twice after learning about the countless murderous possibilities lurking behind the bucolic façades, thanks to this illustrated guide from #1 bestselling author Maureen Johnson and illustrator Jay Cooper—perfect for fans of cozy mysteries.

A weekend roaming narrow old lanes, touring the faded glories of a country manor, and quaffing pints in the pub. How charming. That is, unless you have the misfortune of finding yourself in an English Murder Village, where danger lurks around each picturesque cobblestone corner and every sip of tea may be your last. If you insist on your travels, do yourself a favor and bring a copy of this little book. It may just keep you alive. 

Brought to life with dozens of Gorey-esque drawings by illustrator Jay Cooper and peppered with allusions to classic crime series and unmistakably British murder lore, Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village gives you the tools you need to avoid the same fate, should you find yourself in a suspiciously cozy English village (or simply dream of going). Good luck! And whatever you do, avoid the vicar.


From the Publisher

No destination is deadlier than a quaint country village.No destination is deadlier than a quaint country village.

[Illustration of old bald man writing at a des

[Illustration of old bald man writing at a des

Illustration of a sinister-looking child wearing shorts and a beret

Illustration of a sinister-looking child wearing shorts and a beret

Image of an old woman with her hair in a bun, holding a walking stick with a tip covered in blood

Image of an old woman with her hair in a bun, holding a walking stick with a tip covered in blood

MACKENZIE, THE PRIVATE SECRETARY

“I’ve served this family for two hundred and thirty . . . I mean, twenty years.”

REGINALD, THE CHILD

Hangs out in the walls, keeps spiders in bottles, studies nineteenth-century dental procedures, collects lithographs of major historical fires.

THE OLDEST RESIDENT

They’re the hardest to kill for a reason.

A sign reading “The Wicker Man ale house” and a logo of two sitting figures with branches for heads

A sign reading “The Wicker Man ale house” and a logo of two sitting figures with branches for heads

Illustration of a suit of armor with a red plume

Illustration of a suit of armor with a red plume

Illustration of the sandy bottom of a pond, skulls littered everywhere

Illustration of the sandy bottom of a pond, skulls littered everywhere

THE PUB

Locals gather here at any time of day to enjoy a pint of cider and a chat. You, however, are not a local. The moment you enter the pub, you will be observed from every corner. You will be wound in a fabric of pleasant conversation as you are consumed.

THAT SUIT OF ARMOR, THE ONE WITHOUT A SWORD

Unlikely to kill you. It doesn’t even have a sword. Wait. Didn’t it have a sword before? Anyway, this is where they put your body after you’ve been murdered in order to surprise and terrify the others, so there’s really no point in worrying about it.

THE POND

Full of the skeletons of Victorian children and, if you are unwise, you.

Publisher‏:‎Ten Speed Press (September 14, 2021)
Language‏:‎English
Hardcover‏:‎128 pages
ISBN-10‏:‎1984859625
ISBN-13‏:‎978-1984859624
Item Weight‏:‎11.2 ounces
Dimensions‏:‎5.77 x 0.66 x 7.77 inches
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